Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Strike one.

Considering my goal in life is to become a CNM (certified nurse-midwife), having a homebirth or birthing in a center is extremely important to me when thinking about my future pregnancy. Having heard many horror stories about unnecessary interventions while in hospitals, I started looking for a midwife the second the Mr. and I decided to TTC. Being new to Texas, I am happy to have a friend with the same mindset. I made an appointment at a birthing center not so far from where we live, it also happened to be close to said friend so she wanted to come too. She'd read that this particular birthing center offered the choice of VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) which is what she was looking for. Her story is not mine to tell, but feel free to hop over to her blog and read her point of view.

Walking in was like a breath of fresh air. It was so homey and welcoming, albeit slightly dated. We'd gotten there 10mins early and were asked to take a seat. We sat, talked, and were entertained by the awesomeness that is an adventurous 16 month old. They were busy, I totally understand that.. but it felt like an eternity of waiting. Cue gorgeous mother walking into the center. Tall, thin, everything I wanted to be. Well, the height I can't really do anything about, I will be 4'11" forever.. or at least until I start shrinking when I'm old. I thought about just excusing ourselves and scheduling to meet another day, but just then a woman came up to us. She looked like the wicked witch minus the green face paint. I'm not being mean, I'm being honest. She did. She seemed cold and distant, probably because her mind was on the mother about to pop. She asked if we had any questions, being put on the spot I hadn't really considered anything. I'd read up on their website and had plenty of knowledge on the subject already (HELLO, I wouldn't choose this as my profession without doing research first) Miss Lauren asked about VBACs and the woman's answer was "no we don't do them anymore, although I wish we did." My eardrums ruptured as I could hear my new friend's heart breaking. Why WISH you could do something?! Why not just DO it, I understand the risks involved but the risks of a repeat cesarean are MUCH higher. She rushed us through a tour of the facility rooms decked in grandma's hand me downs, handed me a card and sent us on our way.

We huffed and puffed a bit in the car, went home and watched The Business of Being Born where we both got teary eyed and indulged in vegan brownies.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

fickle.

the pitter-patter of little feet.. something I'm so afraid of never hearing.

Considering DH and I are trying to conceive, I might be blogging about our issues and hopefully soon to be triumphs. I'll probably create a new blog to keep them separate, but the first post about it will be here. Prepare for some possible TMI.

I have PCOS and am extremely irregular. For instance, last year Flo only came around twice. TWICE. With everything else we had on our plate last year (unemployment, school, crazy wedding planning, mom getting sick and having emergency surgery, rushed courthouse wedding, offer to move to Texas, three weeks to pack and move on said offer..) I couldn't go see a specialist. Luckily now we are better off and have to resources for me to get help and hopefully fix this problem. I get really emotional when I think about it being my fault that we can't add to our family. I want to give my husband a baby more than anything in this world, and my body just can't do it. I feel like my womanhood has been stripped from me, I feel useless. He doesn't hold any of this against me, he knows that we are in for some rough times on TTC road. It's been a while since we decided "what the heck, lets try for a baby" and nothing. This year started off great! Flo came to visit January-April. Of course the month we decide to go for it, she shies off.. and she hasn't returned. I feel defeated. I'm searching for an OB/GYN in the area and the second I find one I love, I'm making an appointment.

Our exercise regimen seemed to help with bringing Flo back, so tonight we start walking again. Hopefully losing 10-20lbs will bring her back out of hibernation! I'm also going back onto cinnamon capsules, they help regulate insulin levels and has helped bring her back in the past. I'm hoping these natural options will work, I'm not down with having to take more medications than I have to.

So that's where I'm at. Defeated.

:pokes tummy: hey, can you guys please work now?! I would really appreciate it.